Messy Writing — Mind Walk Diary 1

My late night ramblings on messy executive dyfunctioning

Doing creative projects when your autistic, dyspraxic, ADHD are more attracted to do more creative things and that can be writing. to be able to write so easy and share it with many people is the beauty of the birth of modern technical communications. How we embraced them whether its social media, places like here Substack and WordPress.

It can be had to control and manage as with autism, dyspraxia and what I think rightfully assume ADHD it can be super stressful place to navigate. For someone with autism writing can be more natural than speaking and finding forum and platforms like twitter can be more liberating it can be hard to find controls on it. twitter can be addictive and a mindfield to navigate a hellish anti-utopian. not so dystopian though because its real life replicated through textspeak. in ways that could speak to one person to Kenya or Kentucky from my home in Wales and just by hitting a tweet.

With the Muskgate, I made my accounts inactive and used them as a place to deposit my thoughts more conveniently. I wish a kept a diary or a document of all the good ones it would be so laboured and cumbersome. I don’t know what is shit, cringe or just dyer and so many tens of thousands of tweets. Who in their right mind would try to go through each of them. It’s not like I’m running for office, or am I? Not yet anyway a card holding liberal democrat in the south of wales. hardly going to elected are I paper candidate maybe.

That made me shift to Mastadon posted so little. became so muted on social media. It’s strange probably in the long run better for my stress, anxiety and health to become inactive and engage with social media differently. Lord knows why blocked by so many Nicola Sturgeon found the time to do so.

But finding the right space and when to right is hard. sometimes what isn’t talked about is in stress and anger with autism having internal meltdowns or overloads. As for when you may have accidentally deleted something Its infurating sometimes want to whack things in age. Am composed and recognise the consequences of smashed what would be smashed up device when technology drives you irate. Trust me as a returning podcaster it does. IT lessons need to teach a bit more the skills of a content creator as a Gen Z, shouldn’t it be a basic skill to know how to youtube, vlog, podcast and use the lates and the cringerolling word hip thing to make it happen.

I find myself someone who was reluctantly started using snapchat then ditching it, did one or two naff Tik-Toks came a certified lurker. To be digital seems a faff and think something I should at my age should know more about. I may not be my nan who once approached technology with caution that she would press a button that would be the button to delete and poof that device wont work again. Nor am I my aunty or my hairdresser who doesn’t have a blumm’in clue how what a podcast is.

For autistic people we have focused interests specific things we hyperfocus on and somethings can be inattentive in. So with my love of music and my new found love to drop in and out of messy but sometimes uneventful life to do writing a blog or article I feel the need to hoard. I resent any playlist, songs, document, article, tweet I could’ve impulsed or instantly deleted by accident or systemic error. But this time when sorting out new website I brought months back few months ago. Hmmmn, would I have it on the website I designed on Squarespace. Could be so.

So, I when drafting the new website on wordpress. First of all ‘what the fuck is web-design’ why do funky podcast website with nice design and have random text with ipsalom in it, like whats the fucks that and the random photos. If havent learnt it like the shit you learnt in school your ABCs, multiplication could say tying laces but still would have to ask google for that. It’s murder finding the right design and faffy. and think within all of that could’ve lost an article I published here. and I will be properly pissed off if I deleted it or lost it for good. Technology does my head’ing. How’s stressful for a digital hoarder that thing that might or might not be significant for you that could be gone for you.

writting is messy. I’m only writting this rather than being pissed and cool I guess this is how I cool of and maybe what twitter and that did like twitter for I could vent my thoughts and feelings and it would be out on the internet and either and out of my head. It’s guess now my cartharsis. Maybe this helps me, I guess it does I always find it helps talking to people maybe me writting this late at night in a blurry state is just letting my brain mull go for a jog work things out as in january things can get stressful.

and the stress of trying to be. trying is the hardest thing and it taste time to find comfort in trying and finding comfort with and think doing the podcast and the conversations with that are reconcile it. As when writting I know I like to try to think if could come up with something arse clever that could get talking because theres a wannabe journo who wants to comment on every bit of news and thats probably the twitter troll has explored this hyperfocus.

I got to remind myself now to take breath and take breaks to regain your thought. As Aaron maybe I need to do some of these ramblings as a mind walk stop of with whats going on with the overwhelm of trying to do things in a place of chaos. stress can be and errors can be made. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But yes when you start creating content and things become desperate to try to make a success of yourself and build personal brand its takes time and patience even with ideas coming at once and its hard to settle it down. Don’t worry if some articles go away focus on what is relevant what may have been posted about Bidens inaguration. Even have thougs to share doesnt matter focus on key things. try to find structure and places to take stock. keep learning and exploring best writing is when its from your own curiosity something fresh to add nothing corny or mimicky ok. Try maybe restful music one toilet brake and wordle then good night rest